I saw the original Transformers cartoon movie while attending a violin camp in Steven's Point, Wisconsin, at the age of nine. At that time, I had invested tremendous amounts of time, emotional energy, and my parents' money into the Transformers franchise. This movie's effect on me was something that I imagine is probably akin to bathing in heroin.
The memory of this film being one of the greatest film accomplishments of all time is one that I protect furiously by vowing never to watch it again, lest I become blinded by its actual crapitude (see: Labyrinth, Legend, Dragonslayer, and all other mid-80's movies that were inherently great to "D&D-era Mouser" because they involved magic, dragons, talking robots, or anything I had seen on TV).
The announcement that a new Transformers movie was being made was a welcome one at Camp Mouser, though it was followed by a seemingly endless parade of realizations that it would probably suck.
- Michael Bay.
- Live action.
- They transform into the wrong things (I welcome Starsceam's new F-22 Raptor duds, but Bumble Bee is a Camaro!? buh?).
- It's a movie about talking robots that transform into cars and trucks.
- The first movie wasn't really any good, either, if you were older than 10.
Then came the release of the new trailer [the "exclusive" one at the top] and all sins of Michael Bay were forgiven. In the end, I don't expect a gripping plot, good acting, or any of that sort of crap—just as I didn't give a shit about that back when I was nine. I wanted sweet-looking robots and explosions. And I must say that the robot effects in that trailer are a total pants-filler. I am so going to see this movie.
Sure, it may be the intellectual equal of Armageddon, but a giant fucking robot inlines through a bus, which explodes, and then the one with flame decals does a big flex move, and they fight. Hot damn.
