Here are my two nominations for the most embarrassing abstracts ever. The rules for this competition are that the abstracts have to cover a topic that is at least vaguely science-related, have been accepted by a reputable source, and make you cringe when you read them.

First is perennial pseudoscience quack Robert Gentry's submission to the American Physical Society's 2005 April meeting in Tampa, FL, entitled Center of Universe, Big Bang's Downfall, and the Great White Throne. Have a read, it's good for a laugh.

My second nomination is somewhat more unsettling, because it doesn't come from a crackpot, it comes from an established planetary scientist and a personal friend of mine. But friends of mine can't get away with publishing something like this and not getting made fun of by me, so here we go: This is Barb's submission to the First Landing Site Workshop for the 2009 Mars Science Laboratory. The point of the abstract is to pitch a particular surface location for the landing site of the MSL. For reasons unknown to me, the abstract is given in the form of alternative lyrics to a popular rap song from 1991. I'm not kidding. The only reference given in the abstract is to Sir Mix-a-Lot. Seriously.

If you think you can beat these two entries for embarrassment factor, send your submission to me in an email and I'll add it to the list.