Call back the bombers, set DefCon 2.

So the first doctor to check me out said "you're going to need surgery. right now." and he whisked me down the hall to the surgery area and handed me off to a surgeon, who repeated the same check and declared that the surgery could wait for more convenient scheduling. The he did this weird Mr. Miagi thing and basically pushed around on my abs with his hands in a way that hurt like hell but when he was done my guts felt a whole lot better. So that was pretty cool doctor magic...

And I'm still in one piece, at least until sometime in the next couple weeks.